The Ravaging of a Child
----- "Would you talk to one of my girls? For some reason she has not been the same the last couple of days. It seems as though she is on the verge of tears all the time."
----- The dishwater-blond, first grader followed me quietly to my office. After a couple of puzzles and little talking, I attempted to draw the little girl out of her speechless shell.
----- "Your teacher says that you haven't been the happy, little girl you usually are lately. Is there something wrong or are you just not feeling well?"
----- Instant tears! Elephant tears from both eyes and uncontrollable, gasping sobs
erupt from the once silent stranger. Lots of tissues and a seemingly lengthy time finds
the six year old gaining some whispery but uneven vocal ability.
----- "My momma and daddy are getting a 'avorce' ." sobs this little child of God in a
strained and weak voice between her gasping efforts of stability.
----- "How do you know that?" I'm somewhat disbelieving. I know these parents. The teacher knows these parents. Nothing has been mentioned in conferences about marital difficulties.
----- "My mommy's been fighting with my daddy, and I heard her talking on the telephone. She said she was getting a 'avorce' ", the first grader's big blue eyes begin to clear of tears as she tries to regain composure.
----- Divorce ravages children of all ages. This little girl was experiencing what nearly 50% of our children must endure. Divorce - caused from marrying too early without marketable skills. Divorce - caused from an addiction to a drug that changes personalities of the addicted and their family. Divorce - caused from immature adults attempting those things which should be reserved only for the mature.
----- "Just because your parents are talking about a divorce doesn't mean they are going to get a divorce. Lots of parents get mad and say ugly things that they don't mean." The girl's breathing is softer now and her voice is more firm.
----- "My sister is wetting her bed every night now, and I haven't been sleeping well. I have to get up and change my clothes and help sissy change her's. I don't know why she's doing that every night 'cause I didn't wet my bed when I was four!"
----- "Sissy's probably scared. You sure are a neat, big sister to help out like that. Give your momma and daddy a chance to work things out. Next week may be a whole new week, and I'll be here if it gets better or worse."
----- I walk the brightening youngster back to her classroom, envigorated by a friend with whom she could share. Sure enough, the next week was a new week. But similar episodes conjured-up by the demon in alcohol brought the girl back to my office many times over the next few years.
----- How do children handle divorce? Of course they don't. One divorce counselor noted that children are the real losers in divorce. Divorces ravage children through the divorce process and for years and years afterward.
----- A friend of mine gave me the following advice before my marriage. "If you going to get a divorce, don't have children. It's too hard on the kids when parents divorce." My friend had experienced a divorce at the age of 16 when most people think a child should be able to handle the situation. But there are things that parents can do to help their children manage divorces to some degree.
(Inset 1)
1) Communicate
----- Communicate with the children if they are old enough to understand. Communicate with teachers, counselors, and preachers. Allow the children to communicate with someone who is not too close to the situation. Communicate with grandma's and grandpa's on both sides of the family. Bitterness and animosity between fighting parents breeds suffering children.
2) Use the courts
----- Friendly divorces are easier on children that unfriendly divorces. Keep the divorce proceedings in courts where they belong. Don't drag the school into divorce settlements. Children have a hard enough time dealing with the rigors of schooling without the divorce being dragged into it.
If school officials are dragged into it on one side or the other, then school loses its neutrality - a neat place for suffering children.
3) Abide by court judgements
----- Court ordered visitation rights can be the stabling element in a messy divorce for children who are hurting. Both parents should be equally concerned about their children`s school progress.
Letting school officials and teachers know about visitation schedules and then being diligent in carrying out the schedules adds security to a child's shattering divorce experience.
----- One middle school teacher referred a student whose grades had dropped to F's over a six week period. The teacher had worked with the student as much as he could, understanding that the child was going through a divorce.
----- The child was bitter. "My dad keeps saying mom's coming back but mom's not back. I just don't feel much like school!" was his angry response.
----- A call to both parents and a plea for urgent and honest communication saw the child's grades improve. Children in school should not have to worry about the unknown. Children in school should not have to make adult decisions that pit one parent against the other.
Finally, children should be able to expect at least a semblance of stability during divorce proceedings which should be found both in their school and church attendance.
Published in THE LOOKOUT / May 17, 1987 This has had a lead in title on the front page and has a picture of a sad-faced little girl with the article itself. Again, I love the way this publication does my articles. They are very professionally done and are always worth the effort.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Just A Family Bible (Published in Guideposts, August 1993)
This article was edited systematically and republished in the August Guideposts. It was also republished in the Spanish edition of Guideposts. The Guideposts article, as reprinted belongs to Guideposts. The original version, below,still belongs to me.
: : : :
Just a Family Bible
----- We were scrounging around a bunch of junk at an auction in the farm country near Norton, Kansas when I spotted an old, tattered Family Bible resting on a bench with a bunch of other books. Marcella was off looking at kitchen stuff with a mob of other people.
----- The Bible was ancient. The brittle, woodlike finish on the front cover automatically revealed its age. The craftsmanship was intricate and beautiful. I lifted up the cover which came away from the back. My heart dropped. I leafed over to the publisher's page and stared in disbelief. Quickly I closed the pages, put the cover back on, and quietly walked over to Marcella. Soon we were looking at the Bible.
----- "This is special. It's made by the same company I sold Bibles for, while I was in college," I pleaded as we examined it. "It's probably close to 100 years old." I was intent on buying that old Bible; it reminded me of my college summers when I sold Bibles for the Southwestern Company in Nashville, Tennessee. My first summer, spent in northern North Carolina, had been a struggle, fighting against fear and shyness as I tried to make enough money just to break even. As a Bible salesmen, I was virtually a failure, barely making enough to pay my gas home.
----- My dad cosigned for a dark, green 1965 Volks Wagon that fall - brand new! I began working part time during college at a local state mental hospital as a dishwasher to meet my room and car payments. Even after the first summer of selling door-to-door, I had not overcome my intense fear of talking to strangers and speaking in public. A pre-education, normed test suggested that my verbal ability was low, too low to be an educator. I was determined to prove the test wrong and felt that selling Bibles would strenthen my shortcomings.
----- The next spring I signed on to sell again. The job took my team to North Carolina where my roommate worked in Burlington while I worked the scenic, tar-heel country around that city.
----- By the end of my first week, I had made little headway toward my goals. What few books I had sold, mainly $6.00 story books, were purchased by mothers who felt sorry for me. I was discouraged and hated pulling my Family Bible sample out of the case.
----- I was convinced that our Family Bibles were too expensive to sell. At $29.95 (nearly 2 days pay for most of the people I called on), I would always accept the prospect's first "No" and then close again on a cheaper item, usually a story book for children. I had thought the car would make a motivational difference, but it hadn't. I was so scared to stop at houses that, out of fear, I would bypass most of them. The more houses I passed up, the more discouraged I became. By Friday of my first week, I was miserable.
----- Discouragement lead to fear. I found myself parked on the side of the road for nearly an hour, scared of knocking on another door.
----- "At the rate I'm going, I'm not going to be able to eat, much less make my car payments," I mumbled to myself. I checked my wallet and only found a few crumpled dollar bills - enough for a hamburger and a few gallons of gas, but not enough to get back to Oklahoma.
----- At least back in Norman I would be getting paid enough to eat and make my car payments, I thought. That's it!! If I could just make enough sales to get the cash to go back home, my job would be waiting for me.
----- "Oklahoma here I come!" I shouted. My decision seemed to momentarily rejuvenate me, but, instead of knocking on that first door, for some reason I turned my car back toward town to spend my last few dollars on a hamburger.
----- I was busily munching my hamburger at a small drive-in and nervously looking at my map trying to get the courage to find a road to work, when I heard someone tapping on my back window. A middle-aged man was trying to get my attention.
----- "Are you selling those Family Bibles?" the man asked as he walked around to my window.
----- "Why? You want to buy one?"
----- "No," he said pointing to my back seat. "We've got one almost like one of those." He must have spotted the beautiful, white Family Bibles that I had stacked in boxes on my lowered, back seat.
----- "That's great! Do you like it?" I said somewhat cynically. With my luck he was wanting to get his money back or trade a damaged Bible in for one of my new ones.
----- "Listen, son!" he said. "We bought our Family Bible many years ago. It saved our marriage!"
----- My cheeks began to feel prickly and suddenly my food caught in my throat.
----- "You see, my wife and I were fighting a lot back then, and I was drinking. We were newly-weds and were talking about divorce. One day a kid, about like you, came by and caught us both at home. He was selling Bibles... Family Bibles."
----- He paused as he took a breath and brushed back the tears that began to fill his eyes. I gagged silently on my burger and took a quick sip of my drink.
----- "My wife wanted one," he went on with emotional zeal. "She thought it might help our marriage. Yes, it was expensive, but we both decided to get one and put it on our coffee table. As we began to fill out our family history, we turned the pages and began to read the Scriptures. Soon we were reading that Bible together almost every night. After that, we began looking for a church home. The rest is history." He reached out his hand, and I took it.
----- "Son," he said. "Keep up the Lord's work!" He waved as he turned and went back to his car. I put my map down and layed my hamburger aside. I closed my eyes in prayer. With renewed zeal, I was soon knocking on doors.
----- My attitude changed. That Sunday I found a little church, Wayside Christian Church, where I worshipped. I began to look at my job as an opportunity and found myself telling my customers about how a Family Bible changed a man's marriage and a man's life. The sales came; I sold nearly 100 Family Bibles that summer. Oh, I wasn't a great salesman, but I made enough to pay for my tuition and most of my car payments. More important than the monetary aspects of my job, I overcame some fears. I learned to meet and deal with people and became self-sufficient. I overcame a crippling fear of speaking in public and continued selling Bibles until I graduated from the University of Oklahoma in 1969, after which I began my teaching career.
----- Now that old Family Bible, which we purchased for $5.00 at that auction, rests on our cabinet top. We've had it restored and can open the pages and read it. It has an old Bible dictionary with pictures and a history of the early Protestant churches. That heirloom was published about 1900, though dating is inconclusive and was probably sold by a salesman, just like me, only his Beetle was a Model T or ... maybe a horse and wagon.
Dale W. Hill
Published first in August, 1993 Guidepost. Guidepost owns their rewrite of this article. It was published as a one page article and was edited by Rick Hamlin, Assciate Editor.
Republished in the Spanish Edition of Guidepost in 1995.
: : : :
Just a Family Bible
----- We were scrounging around a bunch of junk at an auction in the farm country near Norton, Kansas when I spotted an old, tattered Family Bible resting on a bench with a bunch of other books. Marcella was off looking at kitchen stuff with a mob of other people.
----- The Bible was ancient. The brittle, woodlike finish on the front cover automatically revealed its age. The craftsmanship was intricate and beautiful. I lifted up the cover which came away from the back. My heart dropped. I leafed over to the publisher's page and stared in disbelief. Quickly I closed the pages, put the cover back on, and quietly walked over to Marcella. Soon we were looking at the Bible.
----- "This is special. It's made by the same company I sold Bibles for, while I was in college," I pleaded as we examined it. "It's probably close to 100 years old." I was intent on buying that old Bible; it reminded me of my college summers when I sold Bibles for the Southwestern Company in Nashville, Tennessee. My first summer, spent in northern North Carolina, had been a struggle, fighting against fear and shyness as I tried to make enough money just to break even. As a Bible salesmen, I was virtually a failure, barely making enough to pay my gas home.
----- My dad cosigned for a dark, green 1965 Volks Wagon that fall - brand new! I began working part time during college at a local state mental hospital as a dishwasher to meet my room and car payments. Even after the first summer of selling door-to-door, I had not overcome my intense fear of talking to strangers and speaking in public. A pre-education, normed test suggested that my verbal ability was low, too low to be an educator. I was determined to prove the test wrong and felt that selling Bibles would strenthen my shortcomings.
----- The next spring I signed on to sell again. The job took my team to North Carolina where my roommate worked in Burlington while I worked the scenic, tar-heel country around that city.
----- By the end of my first week, I had made little headway toward my goals. What few books I had sold, mainly $6.00 story books, were purchased by mothers who felt sorry for me. I was discouraged and hated pulling my Family Bible sample out of the case.
----- I was convinced that our Family Bibles were too expensive to sell. At $29.95 (nearly 2 days pay for most of the people I called on), I would always accept the prospect's first "No" and then close again on a cheaper item, usually a story book for children. I had thought the car would make a motivational difference, but it hadn't. I was so scared to stop at houses that, out of fear, I would bypass most of them. The more houses I passed up, the more discouraged I became. By Friday of my first week, I was miserable.
----- Discouragement lead to fear. I found myself parked on the side of the road for nearly an hour, scared of knocking on another door.
----- "At the rate I'm going, I'm not going to be able to eat, much less make my car payments," I mumbled to myself. I checked my wallet and only found a few crumpled dollar bills - enough for a hamburger and a few gallons of gas, but not enough to get back to Oklahoma.
----- At least back in Norman I would be getting paid enough to eat and make my car payments, I thought. That's it!! If I could just make enough sales to get the cash to go back home, my job would be waiting for me.
----- "Oklahoma here I come!" I shouted. My decision seemed to momentarily rejuvenate me, but, instead of knocking on that first door, for some reason I turned my car back toward town to spend my last few dollars on a hamburger.
----- I was busily munching my hamburger at a small drive-in and nervously looking at my map trying to get the courage to find a road to work, when I heard someone tapping on my back window. A middle-aged man was trying to get my attention.
----- "Are you selling those Family Bibles?" the man asked as he walked around to my window.
----- "Why? You want to buy one?"
----- "No," he said pointing to my back seat. "We've got one almost like one of those." He must have spotted the beautiful, white Family Bibles that I had stacked in boxes on my lowered, back seat.
----- "That's great! Do you like it?" I said somewhat cynically. With my luck he was wanting to get his money back or trade a damaged Bible in for one of my new ones.
----- "Listen, son!" he said. "We bought our Family Bible many years ago. It saved our marriage!"
----- My cheeks began to feel prickly and suddenly my food caught in my throat.
----- "You see, my wife and I were fighting a lot back then, and I was drinking. We were newly-weds and were talking about divorce. One day a kid, about like you, came by and caught us both at home. He was selling Bibles... Family Bibles."
----- He paused as he took a breath and brushed back the tears that began to fill his eyes. I gagged silently on my burger and took a quick sip of my drink.
----- "My wife wanted one," he went on with emotional zeal. "She thought it might help our marriage. Yes, it was expensive, but we both decided to get one and put it on our coffee table. As we began to fill out our family history, we turned the pages and began to read the Scriptures. Soon we were reading that Bible together almost every night. After that, we began looking for a church home. The rest is history." He reached out his hand, and I took it.
----- "Son," he said. "Keep up the Lord's work!" He waved as he turned and went back to his car. I put my map down and layed my hamburger aside. I closed my eyes in prayer. With renewed zeal, I was soon knocking on doors.
----- My attitude changed. That Sunday I found a little church, Wayside Christian Church, where I worshipped. I began to look at my job as an opportunity and found myself telling my customers about how a Family Bible changed a man's marriage and a man's life. The sales came; I sold nearly 100 Family Bibles that summer. Oh, I wasn't a great salesman, but I made enough to pay for my tuition and most of my car payments. More important than the monetary aspects of my job, I overcame some fears. I learned to meet and deal with people and became self-sufficient. I overcame a crippling fear of speaking in public and continued selling Bibles until I graduated from the University of Oklahoma in 1969, after which I began my teaching career.
----- Now that old Family Bible, which we purchased for $5.00 at that auction, rests on our cabinet top. We've had it restored and can open the pages and read it. It has an old Bible dictionary with pictures and a history of the early Protestant churches. That heirloom was published about 1900, though dating is inconclusive and was probably sold by a salesman, just like me, only his Beetle was a Model T or ... maybe a horse and wagon.
Dale W. Hill
Published first in August, 1993 Guidepost. Guidepost owns their rewrite of this article. It was published as a one page article and was edited by Rick Hamlin, Assciate Editor.
Republished in the Spanish Edition of Guidepost in 1995.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Index Of Posts
I have many blog posts. At the time, I thought it best to start individual blogs so here is an account of all of them. You can also find all my published posts at
opednews.com
darkowarriors.blogspot.com
expofinaltour.blogspot.com
sassyvote.blogspot.com
oksbackersfieldsound.blogspot.com
sunchinewedding.blogspot.com
chinachills.blogspot.com
sassiespatriotism.blogspot.com
amindiansqfpddarkowarriors.blogspot.com
Darkowarriorsokharpmanvideo.blogspot.com
okharpmanhymns.blogspot.com
koreantangerines.blogspot.com
okharpman--oklahoma-outlaws.blogspot.com
bushunclear.blogspot.com
obermanreaill2.blogspot.com
cyberspace2.blogspot.com
oktornado.blogspot.com
okharpfunnysongss.blogspot.com
okharpman-the hnsons.blogspot.com
okcyberspace.blogspot.com
okclevelandccf.blogspot.com
amindianfood.blogspot.com
okdoowop.blogspot.com
namerindiannew.blogspot.com
omnitechno.blogspot.com
qfdblues.blogspot.com
bibleandsouth.blogspot.com
woody-guthrie-ok-influences.blogspot.com
negro-spiritual.blugspot.com
okarpelliot.com
countryhanks.blogspot.com
oksongwriters.blogspot.com
ok-musical-influences-1.blogspot.com
eladixxblogg1.blogspot.com
oklacountry.blogspot.com
okmusic2.blogspot.com
ok-.musical-influences-2blogspot.com
warriorsacham.blogspot.com
warriorsps.blogspot.com
warriors1.blogspot.com
bighouse06.blogspot.com
opednews.com
darkowarriors.blogspot.com
expofinaltour.blogspot.com
sassyvote.blogspot.com
oksbackersfieldsound.blogspot.com
sunchinewedding.blogspot.com
chinachills.blogspot.com
sassiespatriotism.blogspot.com
amindiansqfpddarkowarriors.blogspot.com
Darkowarriorsokharpmanvideo.blogspot.com
okharpmanhymns.blogspot.com
koreantangerines.blogspot.com
okharpman--oklahoma-outlaws.blogspot.com
bushunclear.blogspot.com
obermanreaill2.blogspot.com
cyberspace2.blogspot.com
oktornado.blogspot.com
okharpfunnysongss.blogspot.com
okharpman-the hnsons.blogspot.com
okcyberspace.blogspot.com
okclevelandccf.blogspot.com
amindianfood.blogspot.com
okdoowop.blogspot.com
namerindiannew.blogspot.com
omnitechno.blogspot.com
qfdblues.blogspot.com
bibleandsouth.blogspot.com
woody-guthrie-ok-influences.blogspot.com
negro-spiritual.blugspot.com
okarpelliot.com
countryhanks.blogspot.com
oksongwriters.blogspot.com
ok-musical-influences-1.blogspot.com
eladixxblogg1.blogspot.com
oklacountry.blogspot.com
okmusic2.blogspot.com
ok-.musical-influences-2blogspot.com
warriorsacham.blogspot.com
warriorsps.blogspot.com
warriors1.blogspot.com
bighouse06.blogspot.com
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